Are you abusing yourself?

I frequently hear people talk about themselves and what they do with a tone of negativity (aka negative self-talk). Phrases like “you can’t do that” and “you should be doing (x, y, z) differently” and “what is wrong with you?” and many others are infuriating when said to us by others and it’s generally not acceptable to say things like that to others. So why do we accept them in our own heads?

It is easy to beat ourselves up for set-backs and failures. It is disappointing to start a new workout plan and then oversleep only a few days in. It is frustrating to buy healthy food for dinners that don’t come out as expected. It is easy to set a goal to journal everyday and then feel guilty when we forget or get busy.

All emotions are valid but they do not give you permission to treat yourself badly. It is okay to feel guilty for forgetting to journal one day, it is okay to feel frustrated when a healthy meal doesn’t come out as expected, it is okay to be disappointed when you oversleep and don’t have time to workout in the morning. It is NOT okay to call yourself names or treat yourself as a failure. Yes, you made a mistake but let’s take time to learn from this set back and create a plan for next time.

How about some examples? Because I know how confusing this concept can be (hint: I’m about to hit you with some first hand experience)

You spend time on the weekend planning a healthy meal plan for the week, go to the grocery store, prep as much as you can, and are feeling motivated and optimistic. Monday goes as planned, so does Tuesday, you are feeling unstoppable! Wednesday there are donuts at the office and you manage to politely say no! You are a rockstar! Then Thursday, your lunch has gone bad and you have to improvise, you get a burger, you feel like a failure. Suddenly your brain starts in on you “What is wrong with you? You were doing so well! Why do you suck? You are such a failure! You will never get healthy, you will always be fat and lazy. You should have gotten a salad, you should have gone somewhere else for food. You are weak and pathetic”

Sound familiar? It is so easy to slip into that negative thought pattern. Next time you find yourself in a similar situation tell your brain to stop being such a jerk and remind yourself that it is okay to have slip ups. Then take time to challenge those thoughts and learn from our mistakes.

Continuing with our above example…

You stop, take a breath and say to yourself, “next time I will go to * insert local healthy place* instead of fast food” and I will keep a healthy freezer meal at the office for future lunch emergencies.”

~Or~

You stop, take a breath and say “I enjoyed that burger you jerk (to your brain) and it is okay to treat myself sometimes. I will eat my healthy dinner tonight and continue the healthy plan for the rest of the week but one unhealthy meal does not derail my hard work!”

Or both! It is about reframing the issue into a learning moment and allowing yourself some wiggle room to be human.

Next time your brain starts in on you, write it down. Then think about how you would respond to another person who treated you in that way or how you would stand up for a friend who was being treated that way. It is never acceptable to be treated so poorly, even by your own mind.

Until next time, take care!