That Thief Named Fear

Fear and anxiety can prevent us from living lives that are meaningful and fulfilling. Someone who is socially anxious may feel isolated and wish for ways to spend more time with others. Dealing with trauma can lead to a significant focus on what might go wrong and cause us to miss out on significant moments in our lives.

Fear and anxiety are thieves. They steal our now, our present moment, by making us feel as though we MUST think about/plan for/worry over what might go wrong. But what does that worry and overthinking do for the future? Does it prevent bad things from happening to fret over the possibilities?

I know in my life it hasn’t prevented anything from happening, it has only made it more difficult for me to enjoy precious moments with the people in my life.

The unfortunate truth is that we are more afraid when it is something important to us. For example, the socially anxious person mentioned above is likely to feel that way due to a fear of being rejected meaning they crave social connection or someone who is afraid of heights might actually be afraid of dying which could be preventing them from truly living. It’s tragic and terribly common to have fear related to the things that we value.

If we never risk anything we are unlikely to experience anything great. Sometimes it’s riskier to not try. Sure a measured gamble may result in failure, but not taking the risk means almost no chance of success.

We know that fear tends to be attached to things that matter. Taking risks is scary and the higher the stakes, the worse it feels to fail. But isn’t it worse to not even try?

So now what?

It is scary to jump in and sometimes it’s okay to look at the challenge and think “maybe this isn’t worth the risk” because sometimes it won’t be. It is important to consider not only the dangers of doing something but also the benefits of doing it. The socially anxious person might make a fool of themselves but they might also meet a group of people who accepts and loves them. If the worst should happen then we grieve, vent, cry, or do whatever we need to heal before trying again. This is obviously over-simplified, it is best to work with your therapist to overcome a big setback and it might take some time to recover.

Those setbacks are scary and often painful but progress and growth is rarely comfortable. Think about physical exercise. When we work out, we get sore. This is our sign that our muscles are getting stronger. If you want to get stronger, it requires a little discomfort. Our comfort zone is cozy but it does not do us any favors when we are trying to grow and the truth is that vulnerability is necessary for that growth.

It’s okay to take baby steps, it’s okay to go slow and take breaks, just don’t stop moving forward.

Courage isn’t about not feeling afraid, it’s about doing what matters anyway!

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