I talk a lot about identity on this site but what does it mean?
Identity encompasses a lot of factors including personality traits, appearance, beliefs, values, and much more. How a person defines themselves is dependent on how they were raised, their social experiences, adversities, education, etc. There is so much involved in identity development that it is not surprising that so many people struggle with understanding who they are. Add the fact that research shows that the brain is not fully developed until the age of 25 and we realize it is not just common but normal for adolescents and young adults to struggle with their sense of self!
How brain development affects identity
Let’s talk a little more about brain development. The last part of the brain to develop is the prefrontal cortex and it is responsible for rational decision making, personality development, abstract thought and cognitive analysis. The cerebellum is also a slow developer and is responsible for coordination, both physical and mental. What that all means is that until we are in our mid-twenties, our brains are typically not capable of understanding what good decisions are. Because of this development, adolescents and young adults tend to be more impulsive, reckless, and mentally awkward.
I don’t think this information surprises many people, anyone who has spent time around teenagers or college campuses has seen behaviors that can be attributed to a brain that is simply not done developing. It is normal for adolescents and young adults to question themselves, look for answers from friends and other experiences, show poor judgment, struggle with indecision and poor self-esteem, and lack direction in life. Their brains are quite literally not fully equipped to make solid, rational decisions.
What to do if you are dealing with identity issues
Take a deep breath and know that you are not alone. Many people struggle with identity issues and not all of them are adolescents and young adults. While the primary population with these issues is younger, I have seen many adults struggle with identity due to not addressing the issues when they were younger or having a history of trauma or substance abuse, among other reasons. It is never too late to become your true self!
Start a journal. There are many ways to journal including gratitude journaling, self-exploration journaling, journaling to vent, etc. Please check out my journaling post for more information about a few of my favorite types of journaling.
Focus on self-care and mindfulness. I know these ideas seem super cliché these days but I cannot stress enough the importance of taking time for yourself and your own well-being. It allows you time to learn what you enjoy and gives you space to explore what is in your mind. I will talk more about ideas for self-care and mindfulness in future posts as well.
Find someone you trust to talk to. Whether that is a friend, teacher, parent, or other relative, take the time to share your confusion and your thoughts with those who matter to you.
Start therapy. When in doubt, therapy can be a no judgment zone that can give you the space to explore and process the ideas and questions you have about yourself.
How to help when someone is struggling with identity issues
Be supportive, not dismissive. If an adolescent or young adult tells you they are struggling with their identity, it is easy to brush it off as “just a phase” but that mentality can be devastating to someone who is currently going through it. We have all been there but often forget how stressful and confusing that time can be.
Validate their confusion. You don’t have to agree with the ways they are exploring their identities to express that you understand their need to explore and question. It is okay to express concern if their safety or well-being is at risk but understand they may shut down if you push too hard. This is especially true for parents and authority figures as they often won’t believe you “get it” and are likely to view too much advice as lecturing. It is much more valuable to help them feel heard and understood before trying to get them to understand your viewpoint and concerns.
Get them help. When in doubt, encourage them to sign up for therapy with someone they feel comfortable with. It can often be helpful to talk to someone outside of family and other relationships when we are trying to process and sort out something we are struggling with.
I enjoy working with these populations and am taking new clients. If you or someone you know is interested, please have the interested person contact me. Anyone can visit my FAQs or complete a New Client Inquiry Form if they are interested in therapy services as well.
I am currently only able to take clients who live in the state of Tennessee but I am also available to answer questions or give referrals when possible.
I’d love to hear your questions, comments, concerns and/or jokes below. Don’t forget to subscribe to get updates and new content sent directly to your inbox!
Empowered Counseling 